The Balrog is dead...

...I threw down my enemy, and he fell from the high place and broke the mountain-side where he smote it in his ruin.
Then... darkness took me; and I strayed out of thought and time, and I wandered far on roads that I will not tell...

(The Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers)

You did it. You fought off your nemesis. You gave it all - and were victorious. Everyone marvels at the victory - yet no one ever wonders what it costs. 

It is then, right after the moment of defeating your innermost fear, that darkness surrounds you. It is you and you alone, left there to... I don't want to say die, but it's as close as it gets. Exhaustion, uncertainty, a feeling of nothingness. You used to dream about this moment, your triumph, and now that it has come, well.. it's nothing like you imagined. You have not transformed into some superhero or even a slightly better version of yourself. On the contrary: you don't have the slightest bit of energy left.

So you just lie there, helpless. Until the nightmares come - to take you down the roads of darkness. Into the inner depths of what you are, of what you have been. Nightmares unknown till now, they speak the truth, though in a language you don't understand -yet. Don't resist, just follow them: for it is not the victory you won that will give you back the self you so longed for. It is this journey through the ruins of your soul that will do it -after utterly destroying you. The fight and many other fights before this one have taken their toll on you. Now, as you unconsciously wander through your pieces, is the time to cut off everything that cannot be healed. Some parts of you are so corrupted and withered that can no longer be saved - no matter how much it hurts, you have to let go. You must ignore the demons and temptations that  inevitably appear after each turn of the road, offering you replacements for the parts you 're leaving behind. They are but  illusions -usually disguised as someone dear... Don't give in. Just wander on, throwing away everything that holds you back. It is not a pleasant journey, yet it is a journey you must take.  

And so you stray out of time... for what feels like a thousand years....

...You are right. This does not feel right. This does not feel like you anymore.  You feel... estranged.. You are right. This is not you. At least not what you were before the great victory that brought you here. But this is how it is supposed to go. You let yourself get lost - to be found again. And when you rise - rid of all that's been keeping you a prisoner for all this time - you are transformed. Remember the gray wizard with sympathy and understanding. It is who you have been for so long. But he has sacrificed himself to save you. It is the white wizard you are now.  

'Yes.. that was the name. I was Gandalf.'